shortieketz

He's just like me.
He stops for a while and then goes back to it.
Stops and goes back.
Stops and goes back.
And what do we think?
That we're addicted.
We don't want to give it up.
We don't want to leave the pleasure.
We feel like there's no substitution.
It's always in the back of our minds.
Always thinking about the next time.
Always the next time.
Can't stop.
Can't stop.


But we can.
And we just pretend not to know it.
We can.
But we don't.
We take the easy way out.
We pretend like we don't do it.
We hide it. We hide it every time.
Never expose that pleasure.
It feels so right at the time, yet it
couldn't be more wrong.
Then we purposely forget.
Forget so we don't have to feel guilty.
Or stupid.


I want to cry.
I want to cry for my friend more than for me.

Because I've decided to finally stop.
And he still hasn't.

So I changed. The end.

Those lyrics have been stuck in my head for a long time now. No real meaning to my life, but for some reason they're just there.

It's summaaa. Summer '06 baby. So far, it's off to a really good start, yesterday being part of the reason. Taking Back Sunday concert. Yeah. It was friggin AMAZING; I LOVED IT. I woke up at 2:00 pm today...by force.

So me, Erika, and Nicole went to the Tweeter Center at 8:45 in the a.m. [A.M. being the key part]. Haha we were the FIRST there and we were like YESSS FRONT ROW. Little did we know that there wasn't a real line, and that there were like 6 different gates being opened at the same time so everyone would run to different ones. Yeah. Too bad we found THAT out at like noon. We were like FUCK, WE COULDA GOTTEN MORE SLEEP. But it's all good because we got good seats anyway, and we weren't in the moshpit. We woulda legit died in there.

We were bored in line and were like "Screw this, we're going to Cumberland Farms" and walked there while "borrowing" some old security guard's umbrella. Yeah, we never gave that back...cuz we threw it on the floor when it was time to go inside for the concert.

It was POURING. We didn't get wet because of the umbrella. I kinda feel bad for the old man now.

So we waited. And waited. And waited some more. We found a lot of posers. And waited some more. We ate junk. And waited some more. THEN! It was time to get in the gates and people ran like their lives depended on it. I was ready to get in and guess what fucking happened? My FUCKING ticket was a FUCKING REFUND and the old lady who was checking it was like "you're gonna have to go to the box office" and I was like "FUCK NO LADY, I NEED A SEAT RIGHT NOW. I PAID FOR THIS SHIT." And I kinda felt bad because she was old and I was spazzing on her. She let me in after that. I ran and ran and some stupid idiot told me to slow down but I didn't.

We got front row in the pit area but it was pushed to the left side. Yeah no, we weren't havin that. So we went to the front row of the seating area and it was much better. THEN WE DRANK SOME RED BULL TO GET HYPED. Yeah that shit don't work.

The Subways went on; were amazing. We were the only ones screaming. Emo people kept starin us down and I screamed louder cuz of that...and then gave em the finger. Head Automatica couldn't go on...lead singer bled internally; had to go to hospital fast. I almost cried...except not. But still, twas sad. Thennn...Angels and Airwaves went on. They were okay. THENNNNNN we met the bass player from Head Automatica. I love that dude. He picked me and Erika up while givin us some huge-ass hugs. Told us he used to play in a small town called Holliston. I said I fucking live there! no way!

AND THEN, FINALLY, TBS came on. They were SICK. But as soon as they came on, guess who got a fucking headache? KETTY DID! Hahaha I couldn't scream or else it would pound and pound, but I was like "ehhh who gives a shit" and screamed nonetheless. It killed me afterwards though...

Erika stood up on the chair. Emo people behind us couldn't see. So they poked her to tell her to sit down please. She looked back and said, "no, YOU guys get up on YOUR chairs." Bad idea. It angered the emo people.

They pushed her off. Erika was like what the fuck mate and got back on. They pushed her off again. Some short emo piece of shit was threatening to fight her but her boyfriend was holding her back. It was kinda funny.

Many fist fights, police had to come. Crowd surfing, of course. Moshing. All that jazz.

HAHAHA some drunk black dude came up to us at the end and asked to use one of our cell phones. Apparently his friends left him and he didn't know where he was. He told us he was responsible and that he wouldn't run away. He even offered money. As soon as he said money, I gave him my phone to borrow. He borrowed it for like 20 minutes. At the end he gave it back cuz we had to go and was walking away. I was like "HEY, where's my money" and he pulled out a twenty and gave it to me. I took it and walked away.

Then I died in my bed.

Now I realize this is an EXTRA long entry. Oh well. It's called being bored.

GUESS WHOSE GOING TO THE FUCKING RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS CONCERT ON OCTOBER 2ND?
YEAH, THATS RIGHT BITCHES. I AM.

Yeah. So I'm going. I was all excited about 2nd row balcony seats [because I only just got em today so obviously I wasn't going to get WICKED good seats] and then Nelson had to go ruin it. He got club seats. SECOND ROW club seats. And for those of u who don't know...thats CLOSER to the rhcp than ME. NOT COOL. You know why? BECAUSE WE GOT THE TICKETS LIKE 30 MINUTES BEFORE HIM.

Hahaha karma comes back and bites me in the ass. I was laughing at him before for getting "gay seats" cuz I wasn't looking at the right map. Now he's the one laughing at me.

But it's really all good because I really just wanna see them. We're smack dab in the middle. I'm satisfied. Hell, I'm waaaaay more than satisfied.

Alors, je me dis que j'aime ce garcon quand je ne l'aime pas. C'est un peu bizarre, je le sais. Je ne lui aime pas comme ca du tout. La seule chose etait que je ne pouvais pas parler bien avec lui quand j'ai dit que je lui ai aime. Donc, si je dis que je ne lui aime pas, tout se va resoudre. Oui! Je ne l'aime pas. Demain sera un autre jour. =]

If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that people are fickle and are always gonna BE fickle. There's no changing that. I daresay, have your own opinions and stick with them! I like people that way.

So I figured out that nothing goes right. Ever. And you know what? Life's a bitch. Patience? Screw patience. I always wait for so long...fa nuthin! It's actually quite funny how I never get what I reeeallyyy want and when something mediocre comes along I just grab it for the sake of having SOMETHING. Ya know what I'm saaayyiinn?

Yeah...a little out of it.
Don't quite care.

I'm a horrible person. I should just die. Well...I should just keep my mouth shut. I kinda wish I could start over...which is why I now wanna go to college soon. I really wanna start all over again.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS ME RANTING ON, JUST SO YOU ALL KNOW.
I don't want people to think I'm some quiet, smart shit. Gah! I'm not a boring person, I swear. I'm not even like uptight or anything, like I would say I'm a chill girl. But I'm shy...and people don't KNOW I can be a chill girl. Well...When I get to college [if I even MAKE it to college] I'm not gonna be shy. I swear. That just always screws me over. Jesus CHRIST I DON'T spend all day doing homework and worrying about school and not hanging out and being a little retarded lonely bitch. NOOOOO. I like to have FUN and I haven't even BEEN doing my homework and I like to dance and be with guys and all the normal things a teenage girl does. Yeahh...The quiet smart girl rep kinda sticks with you tho...It's gay.

People can be so wrong about me sometimes.

Sooo...Prom was fun despite my critism for it before it even began. And nooo I was not dancing around a bunch of couples the whole time, which YES woulda been gay. But I got to dance too. And after prom, I slept over Kelley's. Let's just stop right there.

I can't wait for the TBS concert with Erika and Nicks. [Nicole is an on-and-off lesbian.] If I don't get front-row I will kill someone. Speaking of concerts, the RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS concert is SOLD the fuck OUT. And I'm upset about that cuz I really wanted to go. Yo, I woulda been on them tickets right when they came out if I had even KNOWN there was a rhcp concert here. But no, I found out too late. But that means they are totally kick-ass if their tickets sold out that fast.

I wanna go so bad. I might cry.

So...Prom. Prom prom prom.
I could very well say I suck at life because I don't have a prom date, but I won't [even though I probably have already]. No. Too common. But it's not all peaches and cream, my friends. Yes, I'll go by myself and have a grand old time: I LOVE dancing by myself while all my friends are fucking grinding next to me! YEAH! Ehhh who gives a fuck. I'll hang out with James instead and be fat. Icecream and whatnot. You know the deal.

So my mom kept me up til 12:30 in the a.m. half getting mad at me because I didn't think I was pretty or good enough. And I was talking about how I look like shit without make-up and she spazzed. At 12:30 am. Hahaha. I just wanted to go to sleep, damnit.

That White Dude's "Yo Mama" Jokes:
Yeah? Well, your mother is a hooker.
I'm rubber, you're glue...and you're mother is a ho.
Hickory, Dickory Dock. Your mom is a slut.

Gotta love them white folk.

Hahaha sooo. It's april vacation. Friday. I don't know what to do with myself.

I don't like thinking. Thinking makes me feel bad cuz I always start questioning things...especially about myself. Not lesbian-ish shit, just like WHY people would be friends with me. Stupid shit. SO I need some distraction. Cheaaa..distraction. My mother took me and the pipsqueak out for a walk. We don't have our car right now. So we walk. We friggin walked to Outpost for no damn reason. As soon as we got to the stop sign, we turned around. It was supposed to be a nice walk, but I was in a bad mood because moms MADE me go. Like literally MADE ME GO on that stupid walk. But you know what? As I was walking behind my mother and petes and listening to my iPod, I saw how happy they were. And then [jesus, i couldnt help it] I actually smiled.

P.S. Nelson made up some stupid phrase--Clits Are Us. And if you say it again and again, it kinda sounds like Mrs. Kelly saying "clitoris" in her accent. Yep, thats about it.

SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THESE WEIRD DREAMS MEAN!!
WEEEIRD, YO.

I got Advanced on my math portion of the MCAS.
And a Proefficient on my english part. I suck at english.

I THINK I GET GOOD MOODS AT THE BEGINNING OF SCHOOL AND WHEN IM OUT OF SCHOOL.
For some reason, I droop during the middle.

In other news, I found one of my favorite poems in my english notebook today.
It made me so happy. I forgot ALL about it. *Smiles*
It was from the O'C times last year.
Oh how I miss that woman.

As he sat looking at her
Longingly
He wondered when was the last time
She liked someone because
He was smart.

Miss OC. Come back to us please and thank you.

HA HA! My mom just learned what grounding is.
I can't go out for two weeks.
You want to know why I am laughing?
Because it is BS. Of course she's going to let me go out.

Last friday was...interesting.
Crazy balloon fights? 80's attire? Sox game?
All a good mix, I would say.

...im gettin distracted..
-To Be Continued-

Procrastination rocks my socks.
Not.

P.S. I am not depressed. I repeat, I AM NOT DEPRESSED. :p
Not askin for anyone to feel bad for me.
I guess I only get like this when I think about my school life,
aka living in Holliston.

^^I just read someone's lj, about "depressed ppl" and how its annoying.
Jus makin sure ya'll knew I wasnt one of those ppl who want others to feel bad for them.

I love my *biffles*.
*ec*cd*lk*ld*mr*af*
You guys are part of the reason I still smile and laff! :)

Ahh..and my weekend is booked! YES.
Thurs--Meetin Click 5 in Boston
Fri--Chillin with some cool ppl-Movies
Sat--SIX FLAGS
Sun--Cook Out

I LOVE MY REEALL FRIENDS! <3

I really, really want to move.
Holliston is just not the place for me.
I'll feel happy for a couple of moments;
certain ppl do make me smile.
But not enough for me to feel like I belong.
And I thought I did, last year.
But maybe I was just trying to believe that I really was.
Maybe I was fooled by my own hope.
I don't know.

Anyone that thinks this is BS,
and that all I want is "attention",
then stop reading,
because this is how I honestly feel.
All those "good moods" are efforts
in which I try really hard to be happy.
Because I hate being sad.
It's just not me.
At all.
I guess no one really knows how I feel.
But that is my own fault.
I'm just not as open as I thought I was.

And if you must know
It really doesnt take much to make me happy.
A little note, a simple hey...
Small things like that.
I'm not hard to please.
That is why you could say I get overexcited for things sometimes
Because I really haven't gotten that feeling in Holliston.
Rarely, anyway.

And I can't say my life sucks.
Because it doesnt: I have too many good things in my life.
It's just Holliston.
It makes me feel blue.
And certain "friends"...make me feel blue.
I try, I honestly TRY so HARD.
I don't understand it.
And every single day, I literally think to myself:
"Today is a new day."
But it goes awry.

Where did my REAL good mood go??
I wonder

Good moods are the shiznit.

God, I'm really cold. Freezing cold.
God, I don't wanna do my homework. I should've finished it yesterday.
Oh God, I'm really bored. Help.

So I'm sitting here in front of my computer screen bored, cold, and lazy.
A productive day indeed.

Everybody's been sad lately, including me. I waaass sad this past week, but I'm not at the moment and I hope it stays that way. Is there some sort of sad-virus type thing spreading around? Because everyone I have talked to/been commented by has been feeling blue. This is what I think: every day is a new day, so at least try to start it off by being in a good mood. Even if it is just an ordinary day. Don't think about how you don't have a boyfriend, or how you can't hang out with your friends everyday, or how much you think your life "sucks". Not only does it put youuu in a bad mood, but it also makes other people not want to be around you as much. Now I'm not saying that you aren't going to have your bad days, because everyone is...but trying to make it better doesn't hurt. Okay, now I'm ranting on again. You can tell I'm really bored.

Life is pretty sweet. Oh yeah, and I've been having really strange dreams...wEiRd.

Alright guys.
Disregard that last entry I put up like 20 minutes ago.
I'm calm now; I just needed to take out my anger on something and figured, "Hey, why not my LiveJournal instead of a person?" It's just sad how people stoop so low just to make someone else feel horribibble. Especially if that someone else is a sweetheart. It makes me wonder how pathetic their lives are.

But alrite, I am not in a bad mood. I'm actually in a good mood, and today was a good day, which I am very glad to say. I started off with a good morning and even tho I was wearing sweats and stuff on a really hot day, I wasnt hot, ha. I probably looked like crap, but WHO CARES! It was a friday!! And even tho i had a headache, that didnt stop me from being cheery. God does love me after all. Oh and I got hugs from Laura and Alli. *hApPy* I love making other people happy. It makes me feel all fuzzy and warm inside. So I got loaded with homework today, but its all good: Its Friday. Last period in French class we were all like really high and laughing at everything and not understanding a word that came out of Mme Dunell's mouth. It was better than being attentive tho, thats fer sure. Thats about all that happened. Pshaaa.

So yesterday I know I was feeling down. But I am a lot better now, if I dont think about it too much. I talked to different people and they made me feel better, so it was all good. No worries, guys. Oh yea and one more thing: I miss Lauren like a MoFo. And for some reason I have "Under the Sea" from the Little Mermaid stuck in my head. And I just thought that you all should know that Bri, Dan, and Katie m are my frickin heros. Can anyone remember what they got me?

That's all folks!